Today, explained badly

I READ THE WHOLE THING SO YOU DO NOT HAVE TO, IT IS HONESTLY LIKE DIGGING OUT AN OLD PAIR OF WORK BOOTS AND PRAYING THEY STILL HOLD UP IN A DOWNPOUR, BECAUSE THE DR CONGO IS OFFICIALLY ROLLING OUT VACCINE TRIALS FOR FRONTLINE HEALTH WORKERS RIGHT AT THE VERY CENTRE OF THE COUNTRY'S EBOLA CRISIS, AND THE THING IS OFFICIALS ARE TURNING TO THE ERVEBO VACCINE WHICH THEY ACTUALLY USED IN PREVIOUS OUTBREAKS BEFORE, SO NOW THEY ARE TESTING IT DIRECTLY ON THOSE FRONTLINE STAFF, AND HEALTH OFFICIALS ARE HOPING THIS SPECIFIC VACCINE WILL BE EFFECTIVE AGAINST THE CURRENT STRAIN THEY ARE FACING RIGHT NOW, WHICH MEANS EVERYTHING COMES DOWN TO WHETHER THIS TRIAL ACTUALLY PROTECTS THOSE WORKERS. THAT IS THE SITUATION.

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STOP STOP I HAVE TO SAY THIS FIRST ARCHAEOLOGISTS IN ALASKA ARE LITERALLY RACING AGAINST THE CLOCK RIGHT NOW TO GET AS MANY PRECIOUS ARTIFACTS OUT OF THE DIRT AS POSSIBLE BEFORE THE NEXT STORM HITS AND RUINS EVERYTHING WHICH SOUNDS WILD UNTIL YOU HEAR HOW THIS WHOLE THING STARTED BECAUSE LAST YEAR THE REMNANTS OF AN ACTUAL TYPHOON SWEPT IN AND WRECKED INFRASTRUCTURE AND HOMES AND TORE THROUGH AN ENTIRE ARCHAEOLOGICAL DIG SITE AND THE THING IS NOBODY KNOWS WHEN THE NEXT BIG SYSTEM IS GOING TO HIT WHICH MEANS THESE SCIENTISTS ARE BASICALLY OUT THERE SIFTING AND DIGGING FOR THEIR LIVES TRYING TO RESCUE WHATEVER PIECES OF HISTORY THEY CAN POSSIBLY SALVAGE FROM THE GROUND BEFORE ANOTHER WAVE OF WEATHER ROLLS IN AND DESTROYS THE ENTIRE DIG SITE FOR GOOD.

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SO THEY HAVE FINALLY ADMITTED IT AND THEY DO NOT EVEN GIVE A SPECIFIC NUMBER FOR WHERE IT RANKS BESIDES SAYING IT IS A TOP MIND-AFFECTING SUBSTANCE WHICH IS WILD BECAUSE WE ARE TALKING ABOUT BETEL NUTS AND NOW NEW RESEARCH ON ANCIENT HUMAN REMAINS SUGGESTS HABITUAL USAGE OF THIS PLANT SEED AND THE THING IS IT HAS MIND-AFFECTING PROPERTIES AND IS SUPER POPULAR IN PARTS OF ASIA BUT IT ACTUALLY PRESENTS HEALTH RISKS AND THE REPORT DOES NOT EVEN SPECIFY WHAT THOSE RISKS ARE OR WHERE THE REMAINS WERE FOUND WHICH MEANS PEOPLE HAVE APPARENTLY BEEN TAKING THOSE HEALTH CHANCES FOR A MIND-AFFECTING SEED SINCE ANCIENT TIMES AND NOBODY HAS CHANGED THEIR HABITS AT ALL. ANYWAY WE LIVE HERE NOW APPARENTLY.

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SO THE OFFICIAL VERSION IS THIS, THE YEAR ON THE TAPE IS TWENTY TWENTY-SIX, WHICH IS MAD BECAUSE THAT FEELS LIKE THE DISTANT FUTURE, BUT NPR IS OUT HERE TAPING WAIT WAIT LIVE IN CHICAGO RIGHT NOW, AND PETER SAGAL IS HOSTING THE WHOLE THING, AND THEY HAVE HERNAN DIAZ AS THE SPECIAL NOT MY JOB GUEST, WHICH IS WILD BECAUSE THEY ALSO LINED UP THREE WHOLE PANELISTS ON THE STAGE, ADAM BURKE, SHANTIRA JACKSON, AND SAM ROCHA, AND HONESTLY THAT IS LITERALLY THE ENTIRE DISPATCH WE HAVE FROM CHICAGO, THEY DID NOT GIVE US A SINGLE JOKE OR A SINGLE QUESTION OR EXPLAIN ANYTHING ELSE ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED ON THE MICROPHONE, JUST THE NAMES, THE CITY, AND THE FACT THAT THE SHOW WENT DOWN. ANYWAY, WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE.

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YOU KNOW THAT THING EVERYONE PREDICTED ABOUT BASEBALL AND BETTING WELL FEDERAL PROSECUTORS JUST FILED COURT PAPERS LISTING EIGHTEEN SPECIFIC PITCHES THROWN BY CLEVELAND GUARDIANS CLOSER EMMANUEL CLASE THAT THEY SAY WERE TOTALLY RIGGED AND THE THING IS IT SPANS SEVENTEEN GAMES FROM 2023 TO 2025 INCLUDING A PLAYOFF GAME IN OCTOBER 2024 WHERE HE SUPPOSEDLY LEAKED INFO ON A NINETY-THREE MILE AN HOUR SLIDER OUT OF THE STRIKE ZONE WHICH IS WILD BECAUSE THEY ARE SAYING HE AND STARTER LUIS ORTIZ SHARED ADVANCE DETAILS ON PITCH RESULTS AND VELOCITY WITH BETTORS SO NOW THEY ARE FACING WIRE FRAUD AND MONEY LAUNDERING AND CONSPIRACY CHARGES HEADED TO TRIAL THIS NOVEMBER BUT BOTH PLAYERS PLEADED NOT GUILTY AFTER BEING ON LEAVE SINCE SUMMER 2025. ANYWAY I AM FINE, EVERYTHING IS FINE.

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